Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
