His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
