youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
