I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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