it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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