So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
