Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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