My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My cat gives me a boner
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
