I have demons in me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
