if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
