Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
