my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
3 2 1 whiskey
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
