alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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