Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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