In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
