So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
