I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
