He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
