haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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