This house was built for laser tag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I came so hard my ears popped.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
