Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
