just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I want is dick and wine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
