Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
