Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
