sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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