I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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