If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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