i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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