Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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