I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
