I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
