He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
