This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
