all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
