Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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