8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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