If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
