I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
