Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
