The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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