I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
