It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
