you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
