there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
