oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
