we have officially lost it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
