I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
