You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
