tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
