Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
