you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
