I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
