Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
