Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
