Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she told me i tasted like america
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
