just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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