if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
